Twinkle called M&M’s by their correct name last night, instead of LMN’s. This was quickly followed by Ninja choosing to put on his pajamas and laying out his clothes for the next day without my asking him to do so. Why is it always the little changes that keep me up at night, draw me to baby photos and make me feel weepy? We had a serious discussion last evening about the size of our family. Our children are begging us for another child, promising to feed and water it as if we are speaking about a new pet or plant. Both children are supremely disappointed that our family is done growing. We tell them that Mommy’s body is no longer able to make babies, and they remind us that there are many ways that families find each other. We tell them that we do not have the financial resources necessary to give another child the life we would want for them and they offer their chore chart money.
Dave starts his job March 3. He will be working his own company as well as bringing in extra income for the family. Our children are in school full-time. We have transitioned from the early child years to the school years, we can now bank on more nights being good sleep than poor, more dinners being eaten without complaint than whined about, more personal responsibility taken and delighted upon as achievement than sighed through. We worked hard to reach this part of life and I love being here. It used to be hard, I had to swallow a lump in my throat each time I explained that our family was done growing. Now I can see what we have accomplished and where we are going– I can appreciate that raising babies was a beautiful time in our life that has ended. As those challenges end and fade to distant memories only the memories that were beautiful and gratifying will occupy a space in my heart.
Twinkle can ask for M&Ms now, Ninja can remember to lay out his clothes for school, but at least they both still ask me to give them 27 kisses before bedtime, just to be on the safe side. I still have some time before they outgrow that part of childhood.