Freedom Friday- every Friday I am going to free myself from a burden, either an old embarrassing story, a secret phobia, a lie I told and got away with, a fear I can’t win, or something else to be determined. I want to free myself from secrets to end those nagging moments when I can’t sleep at night, or those random thoughts that pop in my head for no reason other than their need to get expelled from my conscious. We all need to free ourselves from self-recrimination, to open ourselves up and vulnerably face our fears. Freedom Friday is my attempt to do that, and in turn take ownership of my guilt so it doesn’t eat me alive anymore.
My husband and children left for a vacation yesterday. I totally miss them like crazycakes, of course, but I also did some mommy time things that felt amazing… until this morning. I got home from work, stripped off my clothes and ate not one but two left over cupcakes for dinner while watching reality TV. An awesome new-but-feels-like-we-were-meant-to-be-friends friend came over sans kids and we talked about girl stuff without spelling inappropriate for children words, or giving looks in place of phrases. We used grown up words and never stopped to break up an argument or serve a child something in a spill-proof cup. I drove her home, then swung into the Taco Bell drive through for a cheesy gordita crunch. I went home, returned to my alone time on the couch while eating bad food. I stayed up too late, I watched so much TV my head hurt and I ate food I stopped eating long ago while in a search for a healthier life.
confession #1- it felt amazing. It was almost like I was a teenager again, moving into the dorms, looking around and realizing that there was no one there to judge my choices. I wasn’t someone’s role model, I was just a lady doing ridiculously terrible things to my health and enjoying every second of it.
confession #2- I woke up in the middle of the night so sick I wanted to vomit. I fought through the pain, slept through my regular gym time of 5am and barely lifted my eyelids at 7:40, exactly 30 minutes before I needed to leave the house for work. I fed the animals, showered, spent a taco-bell sized chunk of time in the bathroom and drank some coffee. My head ached from all of the TV, my stomach ached from the abusive foods and I felt terrible about skipping the gym.
Turns out, all the platitudes I share with my children are doubly true for a thirty-something mom who works too much and needs more sleep. The best medicine for a long day is friendship, not fast food. Sometimes eating cupcakes in your underwear is awesome, but do it in moderation. And mostly, listen to your body and eat only when you are hungry, go to sleep when you are tired, spend time with someone awesome when your heart needs some healing and breaking all the rules every once in a while doesn’t kill you, but it will make you reconsider your choices when you wake up in cold sweats at 3 in the morning.
My family is gone all of next week so I will be digging in my old blog’s archives for questions they answered in years past. When I’m not getting my yearly fill of crap TV that is, I do need to give myself some respite while they are away.