This week I decided to look at my second blog entry ever from 2004, I was still in college and completely self-absorbed. Reading this makes me both cringe and feel nostalgic.
I never write in this journal, it was started out of spite, i guess i should stop that.
I was looking around and am amazed at all the communties available on this site. I think i may make this a new internet home… but since my first post was all rants on how much i dislike holidays, boys, and everything else, i think i am going to give a little personal background on this one.
I am 22, live in Chicago, and love my life! I work in non-profit right now, trying to find a full time position, as i am graduating college in a month. I have two degrees, social work and political science. I want to go into policy for mental illness, which is a personal passion for me. I eventually plan on going to law school, but that is a long waited eventually. I need to work a few years first, get up my experience quotient, and then go for it.
I am a major feminist, and i try to incorporate feminist values into my everyday life. I see institutional sexism as a hurdle, not a constant. I do not fear our countries ability to overcome it, only the people within the country who choose to not care. I am also very interested in international politics. I find it fascinating to read about how other countries work on their problems, and try to find comparible alternatives to the American way of doing things. Domestic politics, however, are my passion. I love thinking about, dissecting, and questioning the way things are verses the way things should be.
So, those things pin point me into being a library geek, but i am cool with that label. BUT, i also like to dance wildly, not sexy, in public. I love to get excited and swing around and just feel the music, without much concern for who is watching or what people are thinking. It feels so good to just let go and have fun! I also love to sing loudly and out of tune in public venues, usually without a microphone, but sometimes on stage. I have no inhibitions, i feel neither shy nor inadequate in public. I love to just be me and see what happens from there. I also LOVE comedy shows! I have a very unique laugh, which gets me picked on in the audience, but i have fun with it anyway. I broke my nose when i was on the boys wrestling team in highschool, and again in the skank pit at a suicide machines show, so i permanently cackle. Its cool though, very distinctive.
I used to be shy, reserved, not very interesting. I have really come into my own in recent years and came to love myself and my body and my personality and my laugh and everything. I may sound conceted, but im not. I think it is integral to love yourself to the very core of your being before anyone else can even have a chance at loving you.
This is really general, but thats what its here for i guess. Hope to get some buddies on this site, maybe seeing people in community pages or something. And i have to end with a quote of the day, as should become my custom. This is the title of an album from the mid nineties by Madison Green, and my life mantra “let it be said that i stood”
thats all for now!
It is hard to believe that the girl who wrote that in March, 2004 was only 10 months away from meeting her soul mate, 19 months away from marriage and less than 4 years away from having children. I still like singing in public, though, but now its mostly nursery rhymes to fussing babies.
In moments like these, where I search the archives of my internet life for something to make fun of or make a point about, I am reminded of how amazing it is to have these records. In the thick of end of school parties, birthday gatherings for the kids, keeping my head above water at work and trying to be a good wife I can lose sight of who I once was. Reading about the freedom of my past life makes me wistful, but also completely sold on the idea that the life I have now, full of sticky hands and slobbery kisses, fart jokes and songs about jungles, is the life I dreamt for even before I knew I wanted it.