Today’s Big Question was, “What is Love and what does that have to do with getting married?”
I do not know what love is. Oh wait, I know! it is a feeling your heart gets when someone is being kind to you. I love my family. People get married because they find someone they really love and they don’t want to lose that person so they are like “I want to be with that person for my entire life. I better get married.”
All I know is that love smells like flowers. Nothing else, it just smells like flowers.
When I was a teenager I thought every song was about my personal struggles and triumphs, every ballad an ode to my latest 2-week relationship and every anthem an answer to my unassailable angst. Somewhere in the middle of college I turned to feminist folk singers for my inspiration (and validation of my angst). In fact, when I met my husband I was in an on-again-off-again relationship with a man not interested in marriage or kids because I thought I wasn’t interested, either. I think E was a little shocked when I came to him after Not-Kirk and I’s first date and told him we had to stay “off-again” forever because I was head over feet in love and getting married.
Love is dynamic. The love I felt for my husband on January 21, 2005 when he walked me home during a blizzard and accidently pushed me into a snow drift while trying to have a first kiss is completely different than the love I felt when we held hands and saw a stilled heart during our first ultrasound, different again when he gently rubbed my C-section scars after Twinkle Toes birth and told me I was the most beautiful woman he had ever known. When we were going through an exceptionally hard time, when Twinkle Toes had a mysterious potentially life threatening illness and Not-Kirk’s anti-depressants sent his (not yet diagnosed) bipolar into a rapid cycling nightmare, I would take deep, deep breaths, close my eyes and whisper I love you before I would open my eyes and speak out loud. When he was out of the hospital and Twinkle Toes was out of the woods I would still sigh, breathe deep and say I love you whenever I caught myself wanting to say something negative. The perfect love isn’t so much the dancing we do in the kitchen or the kisses we sneak in the hallway between games of Candy Land, it is those moments where we remember to choose to say I love you instead of losing ourselves in frustrations.
For me, sometimes saying I Love You was a placeholder statement to remind myself that it is our love, our crazy commitment to each other that started in the stars and landed perfectly in our laps at the perfect moment in time, that life is built on and lived for. So yes, dear Twinkle Toes, Love is the feeling you have in your heart when someone is kind to you, someone that you want to keep with you forever so you decide to marry them. Love can also be holding hands while watching a flat-line where the heartbeat should be, or dropping your husband off for inpatient psychiatric care and knowing you would always be there to pick him up and start again. I have never felt more loved than the moment Not-Kirk, Twinkle Toes and Ninja Boy planned an entire day of surprises for me, remembering the Reese’s Pieces, the hand made crafts and the hour alone to take a bath without anyone opening the door. Ninja Boy brought flowers to my office, too, and I smelled the love of that moment for nearly 2 weeks before I had to throw their decaying remains away.
A few months ago my husband and I went to a folk concert featuring Don White. He sang I know what love is (here he is on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rTVnPKMBT4 but only click if you need an ugly cry- don’t say I didn’t warn you). When I heard this song I felt like a teenager again, like the words were pulled from my heart and thrown in to this beautiful melody.
I know exactly what love is
Love is so simple and true
Love is this feeling my heart gets
When I’m being held close by you